Breaking Negative Patterns in Relationships and Marriage (Part 4)

Minister: Rev’d Sam Oye

Text: Exodus 25:8-9 (NLT)

Hebrews 8:5

Topic: Breaking Negative Patterns in Relationships and Marriage (Part 4)

Have the people of Israel build me a holy sanctuary so I can live among them. It would help if you built this Tabernacle and its furnishings exactly according to the pattern I will show you. -(Exodus 25:8-9)

A pattern is a repeatable and predictable way of acting, thinking, behaving, talking, and reacting especially among adults who grew up as children observing and interacting with such negative patterns. In our text, God gave specific instructions about the pattern to be followed by Moses in building the Tabernacle lest Moses builds this Tabernacle based on his knowledge in Egypt. God needed Moses to build to the specifics of a particular pattern so that Moses does not build based on what he had seen before. This is because every man has the potential to repeat the pattern they have seen before. It is called visual stimulation. What you have set your eyes on for too long, what you have seen over and over again, when the time comes to do something similar, you will end up doing exactly what you have seen and not what you wish or even want. As a marriage educator, one of the things I have heard over and again is Pastor, this was not the marriage I wanted. This means there is something about wish and there is something called pattern. Ultimately, you will build the kind of marriage that is connected to the pattern that you have been exposed to as against the marriage that you wish. It means your relationship will not be a reflection of your wish but rather a reflection of the pattern that controls your mind. There is something inside of all of us to recreate where we came from.

Signs Of Negative Patterns In Relationship & Marriages

  1. Self-Centeredness: This is the obsession with getting everything in your favor at the expense of anything or anyone. Everyone must bend towards you.
  2. Detachment: This is also called emotional divorce. It involves situations where the partners have disconnected emotionally. Physically the couples are together, but their hearts are not connected. It conditions the minds of the children that can further that pattern. It also involves avoiding physical interaction and minimizing emotional connections. When a child grows up in homes devoid of physical interaction and emotional connection, he/she will likely adopt this to avoid hurt. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5.
  3. Abuse: This includes all forms of abuse. These include verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse. It is not restricted to age or gender. So where does anyone pick the idea, someone says pattern.


The issue with patterns is that they always wait for the opportune moment. What is our assignment for today? Introspection, look deep within. Ask God to help and show you negative patterns that run through your bloodline so that you can break these patterns for yourself and your children. Please note that any pattern you do not deal with, money will expose it.