Maturity and Immaturity in Relationships (I) By Rev. Sam Oye
THE TRANSFORMING CHURCH
SUNDAY SERVICE April 24, 2022 (1st Service)
Minister: Rev Sam Oye
Text: 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)
Topic: Maturity and Immaturity in Relationships (I)
This text seems to suggest that there are men who are childish and there are children who are mannish. Please understand that Paul wasn’t referring to his infancy here though, he was talking as a matured man but making allusion to the fact that when he became a Christian, there was a childish phase to his Christian walk. That phase was defined by childish ways of talking, and thinking, and reasoning. According to Paul, maturity is measured by the ability to depart from the childish way of thinking and talking. You can’t think childish and not talk childish as childish thinking powers talking. One of the saddest things is men marrying women who are children and vice versa, the imbalance is usually costly. Where both couples are childish, the effect is far worse. Some things have been perpetrated across generations unchecked, unchallenged and it is causing great pain.
This mistake is the perception that governs the selection of a life partner. One of such perception involves focusing on physical and financial maturity to the detriment of emotional maturity. This is why when a person achieves these levels of maturity, family and friend would start to suggest to the individual that the time is ripe for marriage. We often overlook any other likely reasons the person hasn’t been married based on physical and perhaps final maturity. Furthermore, achievements, position or ranks does not confer the required emotional maturity needed for getting married. Physical, financial stability and spiritual maturity are to be desired in any partner or spouse, but it must not be sacrificed for emotional maturity. In other words, all of these without emotional maturity will likely lead to a disaster.
What is Emotional Immaturity?
This is the tendency to react negatively or express your emotions foolishly without restraint. Emotional immaturity is a self-centered behaviour that is always out of control and is not appropriate to the situation. It often happens when a person’s emotions overrules his sense of judgment. It happens when you hear mostly what you’ve programmed yourself to hear not what was actually said. Also, it is a reflection of emotional immaturity when you cannot stand questions. It is also indicative of emotional immaturity when a person cannot express their feelings without over dramatizing. Dan Kiley (one of the most remarkable and celebrated psychologist) describes it as Peter Pan Syndrome when such responses goes on for too long. Write this down…EVERYONE IS NOT AS IGNORANT AS I AM!
When a person acts totally oblivious of what their actions communicates to their spouse, it is indicative of this syndrome. This behaviour sometimes end up ending the relationship or marriage. Proverbs 21:19- It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY
- They demand unreasonable time and attention from their spouse or partner. They want to you to live and exist for only them. They make unreasonable demands of you.
- Emotionally immature people reject, shield, shift and transfer blames. They personalize mistakes which makes it difficult to them to accept responsibility for their mistakes.
- They are ideologically rigid and behaviourally inflexible.
- They make promises to you that they consistently violate. They are quick to talk, slow to think, weak to act and they do as they feel.
- They are critical of you, abusive and demeaning with words or actions.
- Emotional immature people are extremely distrustful, highly suspicious and always jealous.
- They are spontaneous, focus-less and very irrational
- They are poor conversationalist and good escapist.
Let me close with this, if you are praying or handling something you aren’t matured for, if you do not mature fast, what you have would be taken from you.