Maturity and Immaturity in Relationships (II) By Rev. Sam Oye


Minister: Rev Sam Oye

Text: 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)

Topic: Maturity and Immaturity in Relationships


In the first service, we established that one of the mistakes we can ever make as individuals is to say that someone is qualified to get married just because the person is physically matured by the reason of age. Physical maturity in itself without more does not confer on an individual, the right to be married. Also, we discovered that we often conclude people that people with the financial abilities are by this reason qualified to get married. We are in days where young people are breaking into financial empowerment and success in their lives especially because of the spread of ICT, programming etc. The danger therefore is to conclude that such a young person is qualified to get married solely because he is employed, and he has some measure of financial stability.


In the church, we often equate spiritual maturity as another qualification for marriage. Young people are thus pressured into marriage because of anointing or exploit. It may interest you to know that Elijah can bring fire down, but he could not calm the raging storm in his own heart, he could not control his temper. Moses at the height of his ministry was doing remarkable things by any standard of measure but his emotional maturity remained at infancy despite his exceedingly great spiritual maturity. This suggests that what you grow, what you do not grow never grows.

A man can be physically matured, financial matured, spiritually matured and yet be unsuitable for a marriage situation because marriage requires emotional stability. It is a game of emotions. Some people are better off without being married.


What is Emotional Immaturity?

This can be described as the tendency to react negatively or express emotions foolishly without restraint. It is a self-centered emotional behaviour that is usually out of control. The worst part of this behaviour is that it is usually relevant to the situation at hand. It is the inability to effectively communicate negative emotions without over dramatizing it. They demand unreasonable time and attention from their partners. They often personalize mistakes which makes it difficult for them to responsibilities for their actions, its why they shift blames. They are also ideologically rigid and behaviourally inflexible. Emotionally immature people are highly focus-less and spontaneous. They can be critical, abusive and highly demeaning to their spouse.


How to recognize and Emotionally Immature Man

  1. He makes very stupid and foolish decisions with grave consequences sadly on his family or beneficiaries. He does not think about the consequences of his decisions, just the benefit he has in mind. He can literally gamble with all the family resources for a high reward which most times never materializes. They are usually high on the profit and low on the process. Luke 14:28-
    For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?
    Emotionally immature men do what others do, emotionally matured men have a mind of their own.
  2. They have taking responsibility for risk taken, mistakes made, and poor choices made. They find ways to deflect responsibility everywhere else.
  3. They never apologize for wrong done.
  4. They are insecure when you have people that love you around. They isolate you from them so they can feel empowered.
  5. Emotionally immature men lack sexual discipline. They are enslaved by their desire. It is remarkable that Samson could single handedly fight hundreds but could not tame his desire. If you are going to lead and lead well, tame your sexual desire.
  6. They are negatively influenced by family and friends.
  7. They are physically, verbally and sexually abuse their partners.


How to recognize Emotionally Immature Women

  1. She is highly self-centered, she will condemn and criticize you when things does not go her way. She is the center of worship.
  2. She would hardly or never accept her wrong doings which makes apologizing difficult for her.
  3. She is forgetful and ungrateful particularly under pressure. When things are tough, she will forget all the good things her partner has done. She usually have a short memory span for good things done to or for her by her partner. She displays ingratitude under pressure.
  4. An emotionally immature woman is highly insecure and aggressive towards high flying women around her partner/spouse.
  5. Emotionally immature women cannot manage differences in conflicts. She turns differences in ideas into combat.
  6. Emotionally immature women are very low on communication but high on nagging.
  7. She is usually verbally abusive.


Learn to grow your emotional intelligence, it will save you a lot of pain in relationships, not only marital relationships but it is an essential ingredient for the health of a marital relationship. It will also give you peace. Remember, what you grow, grows and what you do not grow, never grows.